Image: Michael Randall
When I first heard that my child's primary school was using a 'buddy system', I must admit I initially thought it was a bit of a gimmick: a nice idea in theory that wouldn't amount to all that much in real terms at (play)ground level.
After all, from what I remember of the first couple of years of primary school (other than the baffled feeling about singing 'God Save the Queen' alongside our national anthem), children from the older grades were a source of terror and intimidation. Wandering anywhere near the grade 5/6 haunts felt rather like swimming in Great White Shark infested waters with a whopping big ribeye steak hanging around your neck.
Four months into Master J's prep year at school, I am genuinely delighted to eat my own words and admit that, not only is this a fantastic initiative, in the case of our own child, it actually works. Spectacularly.
I noticed it first in about the third week of school. In dropping Master J off at school, we'd parked in a different spot and needed to walk past the section of the schoolyard where the 'big kids' were skylarking about in those precious free minutes before the bell goes in the morning. Master J was getting very nervous. "I don't want to walk this way," he said, glancing about furtively.
Abruptly, a lanky boy (who must have been of giant proportions to Master J) leaned over the school fence and said "G'day J! How's it going?" and offered him a high five. J's face lit up, and abruptly he completely relaxed. As we continued on, he told me proudly: "That's Angus. He's my buddy."
I was impressed. And jealous. Three weeks into his prep year at school, J had a mate/mentor that could help alleviate the 'big kids' stress I had to deal with until at least Grade 4!
But still, one morning hello (positive as that is) does not a great buddy system make. Buddy Angus from Grade 5 was to show me that it can and does go further than that.
At the school's Food Fair some time later, Master J was wandering a couple of metres in front of us when he was stopped by two of the older kids. They knew Master J by name and wanted to say hello and give him high fives. I heard one of them say to some of the other kids in their little gang: "That's J. He's Angus's buddy." None of these lads had seen me or had any way of knowing J's dad was within earshot. In other words, this wasn't a show or pretence.
That was when it really dawned on me that this buddy thing really meant something. Far from being a gimmick or politically correct (but essentially empty) initiative, the buddy system had really become a part of my kid's school's culture.
I saw Angus from time to time around the school, rolling in the playground with J, in the prep classroom helping J make paper flowers for Mother's Day.
But the best bit of all came well outside the bounds of school and physically far away from Angus himself.
Master J was dashing about a playground down on Geelong's Eastern Beach one sunny weekend with his little 2 year-old sister Miss H. His mother and I were 10-20 metres away. A group of three youths I'd never seen before wandered past J and his sister. One of them spotted J, stopped his friends and went over to him. As I rose from the park bench, wandering what this lout was doing (about to harrass my little son), I heard the boy say hi to J and give him a high five. As he rejoined his friends (and totally oblivious to me), I heard him say -- almost nonchalantly -- "Oh, that's J. Angus's buddy from school..."
The buddy system, so obviously a real part of the school spirit and culture, was quite suddenly (and poignantly) a natural part of these children's broader community spirit.
How bloody brilliant is that???
The issue of bullying in school and the broader community is real, as almost all children would be willing to attest to, and it is one of a bunch of fears that I think most parents have churning away in the pits of their stomachs.
Seeing the real-world effects of this successful buddy system, I feel that little bit safer and assured. My little lad already has more bigger kids looking out for him in prep -- and not just around the school itself -- than I ever had all the way through all the years of primary school.
I've spoken to other parents (at our school and from other schools) who haven't experienced a buddy system result quite as positive as ours, and there are in fact some stories of buddies actually being quite bullyish. So I'll count my blessings with this obviously stand up Grade Fiver named Angus, but also stress that this is something really worth fostering more, so that more kids get the same positive experiences my boy has had.
When it works, it makes a real difference.
=D
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